TRAINING DAY

All I can say is that after watching this film, I definitely will never live in LA. It seems like a white male wouldn’t last two seconds there. Everyone in this country is so racist against us. It makes me want to fight back, but even the laws of our land are racist against me, and I’m not even allowed to stand up for myself. I’m not even going to get into that, because it will make me pissed. Too bad I’m not allowed to voice my opinion because I’m white. Crap, even white women are racist against me.

Another reason I’d hate to live in LA is corrupt cops suck, and I don’t mean literally. What the hell? Has nobody ever heard the story about the boy who cried wolf? The only reason cops have the opportunity to be corrupt is because the civilians give them that power. Every time that power is abused, all cops lose a little of it. Even the good cops. And one day when they really need it, they won’t have it.

Once I was driving down this road in heavy traffic, and this cop came from behind with his lights flashing, so everyone was pulling over. Then after he drove by us all, he turned his lights off and just carried on his merry way. Do you think I’m going to be so quick to get out of a cop’s way next time? No way! I’m prepared this time, and have a bag of nails and broken glass mixed with grease in my car that I’m saving for the occasion. And that cop will never make it to his destination on time. Who’s fault is that? The cop who abused his power. That’s who. I think the punishment for anyone in power who directly abuses their power should be death. I don’t care how small the offense.

Still, when I hear people sit there and bitch about how bad cops are, I have to tell them to “Shut the hell up!” It’s not all cops. There are bad apples in every bunch. If it wasn’t for the police, the law of our land would be in the hands of whoever was strongest. For a pimp like me, that would be great. For some hottie at the strip club, that would be disasterous. (yum) Enough said on that. The concept of having cops is a good thing.

So we’re kind of at the mercy of the cops, which really blows. Here are some guidelines to protect yourself:

1) Keep a low profile. This is a technique I learned in the military. Better to avoid situations where things could go badly. I’m in a gas station buying food. A cop enters. I exit quietly and quickly. Never know what that cop is going to do, and even if I think I could take him, it would never be worth it. So even if he’s a good cop, it is best not to risk it .. especially when he’s holding a picture of me and looking around the store.

2) Always act happy to cooperate. If cops think you’re happy to cooperate, they’ll cut you some slack. Make sure to save this slack up for when you need it. Case in point: if a cop comes up to you and starts messing with you, let him know that he’s boss and that you’re happy to work with him. Otherwise, he’ll put handcuffs on you and/or call for backup. I hate that crap. Then you’re screwed and you’ll be forced to hurt someone.

3) Make sure to keep your true adgenda hidden. This was the part that most of the dealers in Training Day didn’t get. They had steps #1 and #2 down decent enough to where Washington’s character thought that he was a pimp. However, they themselves were totally transparent. You have to have an ace up your sleeve and BE READY to use it. If you don’t, you’re putting all your eggs in the basket that the cop is a good one. A good example would be if the old dealer in the movie had a video camera in his house. Washington’s character would have been screwed. Get a camcorder and use it the next time you get pulled over. It makes the playing field a little more even.

There are more rules, but I’m getting bored. The bottom line is that if you go too far under the table, you’re going to have to eat with the dogs.

Also, Washington’s character couldn’t shoot those pimp deagles worth a mouse crap in a bullpen. I swear.