T H E O N E

Aaaaaahhhhh! The travesty of it all! This move had HUGE potential and they BLEW it like I have never seen. This was a worse disappointment than Stargate. Why why why!?

The movie starts out great. The evil Jet Li is so cool when he makes his debut that I had to go brush my teeth. I love the special effects, with Li moving in fast motion while everything around him moves in slow motion (like yours truly is in bed). His movements are not finesse (like yours truly is in bed), in contrast to his older films, but I can accept that because he’s so damn fast and strong (like yours truly is in bed) in the movie that the simplest movement is definitely the best for him to use.

Something else I liked about the movie is the girl the good Li is married to. She’s pretty cool, and it REALLY made me irate when the evil Li killed her. I think I ran around the house kicking stuff and yelling at my roommate for a while after that. Then I had to go rewind the movie to see what I missed. She’s also pretty cute.

Other than that, the movie stinks. The acting feels rushed, and the musical score sounds like it was just thrown on top, unedited (though they have some good tunes in there). Too much slow motion makes for damn slow fighting sequences, and since both of the characters are the same guy, you don’t even care who wins anyway (I think I fell asleep during the final fight).

They also made a big deal about the different styles of kung fu used. I think the good Li used Pa Qua, which is basically all circles, and I guess a softer style. The bad Li used Tsing Yi, which is all straight lines and very hard. However, the choreography seemed forced, and ended up losing my attention, so it doesn’t really make any difference who used what. What I’d LIKE to see would be the dude from Orgazmo bust out some “Hamster Style” on Gabe Yulaw or whatever the bad Li’s name was.

Too bad Jet Li didn’t get his 30 million contract (or whatever it was) for the signing of the Matrix parts II and III. He just HAD to be “The One”. So be it. I bought the movie, and I’ll make my next girlfriend watch it with me next time she gets too moody.