This movie is not a movie.  It is a horrible piece of crap that sucks.  You might wonder how I know this, since I’ve never even seen it.  Well I’m glad you asked.  Start at the beginning.  Some guy smokes too much, trips and falls down the stairs.  His (stoned) friend laughs.  They get little lightbulbs over their heads and decide to make a tv show out of it for people as dumb as they are.  As always when presented with idiocy, MTV thinks it’s a brilliant idea.  They name the show Jackass, which gives them a little room to be dumbasses in humor.

 

Once there was a college professor who taught literature.  One day his students asked him, “If you know so much about what people like and what is good and bad, then why don’t YOU write a novel?”  The professor thought about this and decided he would give it a try.  He sat down and wrote out all the statistics on successful novels.  Then he wrote one himself.  There was no feeling, no originality, no teaching.  Just plain appealing to the masses.  And the book became a best seller.

 

At the time, the fact that his book was a best seller was an insult to our culture, and was portrayed as such.  People were offended that they were so easily stereotyped.  What does it say for us NOW then, when Hollywood says, “We can’t think of anything stupider than Jackass.  Let’s make it a movie!” and everyone goes and watches it??

 

I heard that in the movie, a guy goes into a hardware store and takes a dump in one of the toilets on display.  Of course, someone is going to have to clean that up, and it won’t be for free.  He is being paid by the store to clean it up.  And I am paying the store when I buy stuff.  So I am paying to clean up his crap.  Prices also go up when fewer customers shop there, which will definitely happen after they see people getting away with pooping all over the place.  So basically, this white trash moron is robbing me blind with his idiocy.

 

Therefore, I would be well within my rights to defend myself by going to the baseball bat section of the store and finding some Big Bubba aluminum bat and going over to the guy taking the dump and smashing his skull in, preferably before the crap makes it out of his butt. 

 

I think I’m going to go to the nearest hardware store right now and make sure that nobody needs defending.